Amanda Gates
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A Musings

In recent years, I’ve thought about what I would do if I came into a lot (a lot!) of money. And I want to open an assisted living home-nursing home-hospice facility-animal rescue. All located on a big piece of land so we can have chickens and horses and dogs and gardens and beautiful grounds for our residents to live out their final days.

This dream comes from my own experience with a parent’s death, but also from bits and pieces I’ve read about end of life.

Being Mortal hit me right in the heart. Atul Gawande’s “Letting Go” in the New Yorker (and also Chapter 7 in this book) was my guiding light when it came to hospice care, and just how beneficial it is as an end-of-life decision for the one who is dying, but also how much stress it can save those who are left behind. The fact that I came across that article at just the right time still feels like a miracle to me.

I knew Being Mortal was a book that expanded on Letting Go and I’ve wanted to read it for nearly 5 years – I’m not sure why I waited so long. Because really, I wish I would’ve read this book in the summer of 2010, before my mom had a heart attack and had to go into a care facility for several weeks.

This book covers a few very important issues:

Elder Care: Geriatrics as a profession is decreasing fast, just as our population of elderly people is increasing exponentially. There’s no money in it (I mean it’s still more money than we’ll ever make, but compared to what other doctors make, it’s less). Gawande talks about how good geriatric doctors don’t focus on FIXING the problems from which older people suffer, but focus instead on MANAGING the problems. Simple things like asking them about their days, adjusting their meds if they feel dizzy (which leads to falls) or just looking at their feet and cutting their freakin’ toenails. Those things can make life better. Data shows that people who regularly visit their geriatric doctor live on their own for longer and need less medical intervention/hospitalization.

But the medical industry as a whole thinks it’s too expensive so they’re cutting/decreasing these programs at medical schools (like at the U of M).


Quality of Life: One of his huge points in the book is that when people become old, what keeps them going is Purpose and Independence. That’s why people in nursing homes that are forced into wheelchairs (you might fall!) or to remain bed-bound deteriorate so much faster. Of course all these measures are CYA for nursing homes, but Gawande visited a number of facilities around the country to find just who was doing it BETTER.

One place fought the state to let them have birds in every room, along with two dogs and two cats. Employees were encouraged to bring their children to an on-site daycare. The fact that these residents now had animals to take care of on their own, and children to visit in a daycare? Medical intervention when DOWN by double-digit percentages. One man who never talked or left his bed? Came out one day and said, “Hey, I’ll walk the dog today.” Three months later – HE LEFT AND WENT HOME. (This place was the beginning of The Green House Project. Look it up.)

Other facilities do everything they can to NOT take away someone’s independence and privacy. Rooms/apartments have locks. Kitchens are open to everyone 24-7. You want to eat cakes and cookies? By all means, go ahead, you’re an adult! They don’t force people into wheelchairs… instead they let them walk as long as they possibly can and manage falls as they come.

End of Life Discussions: Oh, Sarah Palin and every other idiot who calls these “death panels,” you suck. One of the greatest gifts given to us was when my mom’s doctor sat us all down in her room and talked honestly about the trends he was seeing in her care (“You’re back in the hospital every three weeks. Let’s talk about why that is. And how we want to proceed.”). He was open and honest and took the time to answer all of our questions and her questions. He didn’t push more intervention or hospice; he just talked about how her body would react to all the different scenarios. And what did she think would be a more peaceful way to live out her final days. (Hospice was the answer.)

Gawande, a doctor who has found himself in these discussions with his own patients, talks about just how hard it is for doctors to do this. People don’t want to die. Of course they don’t. So doctors feel a responsibility to do everything they can to prevent it. But people also don’t want to live in pain, or not be able to eat, or be bedridden or stuck in the hospital. He talks about how certain questions, like “What things must you be able to do to have a quality life?” can help doctors know just how much to intervene or when to just manage the pain.

The way he writes openly about the mistakes he’s made as a doctor, but also how’s he grown when it comes to these discussions is so enlightening. And you just hope you (or your parents) get a doctor like him when the time comes.

After an atrocious nursing home experience with my mom – and then a really good one – I felt like I pretty much knew what to look for when it comes up again. I know how important these conversations are to have with my dad and my in-laws and our kids. The more you talk about it, the “easier” it will be.

I feel now, after reading this book, I know even better what’s best. 

Posted: Thu, 02/11/2016 - 16:22 |

I remember vividly when it happened. I remember sitting in the basement watching the around-the-clock (or at least it seemed like it – it would be now) coverage of the missing boy from St. Joseph. I was 8 almost 9. We watched Paul Magers and Diana Pierce of Kare 11 follow the story, hoping he’d be found. My brother was at college at St. John’s in St. Joseph - so we heard his perspective of how that little college town changed on Oct. 22, 1989.

Someone local on Twitter said they don’t remember a bigger local news story from their childhood – and I don’t really either. Maybe there was, but honestly nothing has stuck with me like Jacob Wetterling. And his face. The fact that he was basically my age. The ribbons – all the ribbons. And his mom. His amazing mom.

The case resurfaces every few years and you always hope.

When I saw the news yesterday that they had a new person of interest, my heart dropped. Tears sprang to my eyes. When I saw the eerie resemblance between the police sketch and this man’s picture, I wanted to puke. Because even though I don’t know this family, if you have even one ounce of empathy in your body, you want closure for them.

Paul Magers tweeted yesterday, “The #jacobwetterling case was so impactful - I've always personally believed it was a crime that stripped Minnesota of all of its innocence.”

I think that’s the truth.

I actually have to commend my parents because it doesn’t feel like this changed my childhood. I was coming home on the bus alone at age 10. I was riding a bike or walking to my friends’ houses alone around that same age. There were no cell phones, just the promise to call them at work when I got home. When I was in junior high, I was walking the 3-mile loop around our lake by myself. (I liked time to myself.) I had a great, free-range childhood.

Today as a parent? I don’t think I could be that open or that willing or that trusting of the outside world. It’s a fact that for the last 25-30 years, parents have slowly tightened that grip on their kids. It happened so slowly, but it happened. Even if the world is SAFER than it was “back then.”

Believe me, I WANT to be free-range. I do. I’m a rational person; I went to journalism school and understand the FACTS; I’m married to a rocket scientist who was born to look at things rationally; I know that the odds of abduction or other dangerous things happening to my children are slim to none. I know they’re far more in danger driving in my car with me.

I know.

But when you’ve had a story like Jacob’s in your brain since age 8, then add to it TV shows like CSI or SVU, the 24-hour news cycle, Amber Alerts, and most recently all these stories of CPS being called on GOOD parents who ARE free-range… it’s just like, what’s the point? Because when I read these news stories today about this man and what he could’ve have done to multiple boys (or if it wasn’t him, then SOMEONE did) it makes me want to throw up. If a tighter hold on my kids keeps them safe from this awfulness, so be it.

If something bad happens to your kids under your watch, it feels so different than if something bad happens when you weren’t there – but maybe could’ve been?

This is so often why I try to live in a bubble. Whether it’s irresponsible or not to NOT to think about the hardships and disasters and wars and injustices around the world, sometimes that’s just easier, you know? It’s how you can get out of bed in the morning and drop your kids off at places where they stay all day without you. It’s how you let your spouse go off to work in a dangerous profession. It’s how you watch a daughter go off to college… and arm her with mace.

For as long as I’m alive I will shed tears for Jacob. He represents all the pain of all the kids who have had to endure anything like this. He represents our innocence lost, yet also our fight to hold on. 

Posted: Fri, 10/30/2015 - 14:05 |

Inside/Out: I didn’t get a chance to see this in the theater but finally got to watch it this past weekend now that it’s out on Vudu. It’s a sweet story and there are so many things to love about it. I love that it takes place in a girl’s brain. I love that it looks into the complicated parts of the brain, like memory and subconscious and all those things we DO and DON’T remember.

I love the message that we can’t be happy all the time (and I love Joy’s journey to discover this truth) and that we oftentimes need the sadness to make the happiness. I also loved how it visually shows how becoming too sad or too depressed can literally erase the good memories or the happy times from your brain – and how you have to REALLY work to get those back.

Oftentimes in life I feel like a Joy – someone who dances a jig just to make the people around me happy or get out of their funk. But I also know how important it is to be sad and how sadness shapes who you are, too. Great movie.

Wild (movie): I read Wild a while ago, but just recently watched the film. And it was fine. I think Reese Witherspoon gave a good effort to be raw and depressed, but I did not totally buy her as Strayed. The movie seems to just touch on all the messages in the book (and I liked, but didn’t love, the book) but not enough to make it very meaningful. Again, it was fine.

Sonic Highways (series): We love the Foo Fighters in our house, so this was an amazingly enjoyable eight hours. Even if Dave and the band are researching their influences in the eight different cities, you still learn a whole freakin’ lot about music history. I honestly feel it’s a great docuseries that everyone (music buffs) should watch – whether you’re a Foo fan or not. Dave asks good questions and dives deep into some great or unknown parts of music history. I loved the Nashville and New Orleans episodes a ton. Austin comes in a close third.

Sonic Highways the album kicks ass, too.

Veep: Oh my gosh, this show. I consumed the first four seasons as quickly as I could. It is so hilarious, if only for the way it perfectly curses. I’ve watched West Wing, House of Cards and now this and Veep is the perfect in between. It’s perfectly ridiculous, with a bit of West Wing’s sincerity and a bit of House of Cards corruption. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is a rock start, and her supporting cast is a dream. I cannot wait for season 5.

Girls: Huh. I may be too old for this show. I watched Sex in the City pretty much as it aired. I think I dug that show so much because the women were older than me, and more glamorous. They also were really good friends to each other. But these Girls? I roll my eyes at them and I find them so self-absorbed; I sometimes want to kick Hannah in the teeth. And Marni. Plus, they’re AWFUL friends to each other. Just awful. That is not how I know friendship.

I fall on the cusp of Gen X and Millennial and I don’t see myself in any of these Girls.

The Comeback: This was a fun way to get back in touch with a ‘Friend.’ Lisa Kudrow as Valerie Cherish is pretty phenomenal. It’s often painful to watch, as she tries to stand up for herself against mean people, and really sad to watch her get screwed over when she’s just trying to make her “comeback.” But there’re many, many funny parts – and it’s an interesting look at how TV is made.

The Martian (book and movie): I quickly read The Martian before we went to see the movie. I really enjoyed the book. It was engaging and pretty thrilling and could keep me on the edge of my seat. I only skimmed a bit at the beginning when there was a lot of technical talk that meant nothing to me.

The movie was also really good. I wondered how they would get his fear and frustration across without being able to use all the book’s swearing, but the movie did a good job. I liked all the actors, too. They fit the parts. There was excitement throughout and lots of humor. I was a little disappointed (as often am with books-to-movies) that certain parts I found important to the story were left out. And also I didn’t love the changes to the ending – but can totally see WHY they would up the excitement factor for the ending of a movie.

Posted: Fri, 10/23/2015 - 15:03 |

I’m not really a music person. I just like what I like. That might be Sheryl Crow or Foo Fighters or a little old-time Neil Diamond because it makes me feel nostalgic and warm inside.

My company has a Song of the Day email group and I got on it but was too intimidated to ever “curate” a week. Because what if people judged my songs? But then after a while I said screw it, and decided to curate two different weeks.

Here were my choices.

Women Who Rock Week

Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings: This lady right here proves that you can “make it” at any age, like, say, being nominated for your first Grammy at age 58. She brought 60s and 70s funk and soul to the ears of those of us born post-1980.

Here’s “Stranger to My Happiness,” where Sharon not only rocks it but also rocks her post-chemo, beautiful bald head. She emits strength.

Liz Phair: What can be said about Liz besides that the self-produced Exile in Guyville is pure brilliance. Here’s a woman who’s not afraid of her sexuality or what people think of her. She’s also not afraid of a little (or a lot) of cursing. She broke down a lot of barriers for what it means to be a woman in music. And at nearly 50, she’s freakin’ hot.

It’s hard to pick my favorite song of hers – she’s crossed over to more pop-rock in recent years – but “Divorce Song” is always one I turn up and belt out (privately, in my car).

Carole King: Let’s take it back. She’s a legend. Tapestry held the record for the most weeks at No. 1 (15 weeks) for 20 years (until Whitney broke it with The Bodyguard soundtrack).

“Where You Lead” is my go-to lullaby. I still sing it nearly every night. (It’s also awesome because it was the theme song for Gilmore Girls – another pop culture example of whip-smart females representing.)

Jenny Lewis/Rilo Kiley: While Rilo Kiley is no more (or is it?), several of Jenny Lewis’ songs speak to me. They’re anthems for tough times. Or inspiration for something better.\

My favorite of hers is “A Better Son/Daughter.” I cranked it during a rough patch. My favorite verse.

"But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap

And it teases you for weeks in its absence

But you'll fight and you'll make it through

You'll fake it if you have to

And you'll show up for work with a smile"

Hayley Williams/Paramore : Ladies can appreciate her powerful femininity. Everyone can appreciate her set of lungs. Paramore’s been paying dues since they were teenagers. Hayley’s success at age 26 is quite amazing. I saw Paramore perform last year and Ms. Williams just Kicks Ass.

"Last Hope" is my favorite single from the band’s most recent album. It’s best heard live.

Acoustic Week

Dave Grohl: Foo Fighters’ Wasting Light came out the day my mom went into hospice. I listened to it every day as I drove to and from their house to be with her. I love the album in its entirety, but “Walk” is the song I still can’t listen to without tears forming in the corner of my eyes.

Dave says he wrote “Walk” after his daughter Violet took her first steps. But I think he knows there’re multiple meanings behind “learning to walk again.”

Sarah Blackwood: “Wrecking Ball” is probably the only Miley Cyrus song I can name, and it’s because of Sarah’s (and Jenni and Emily’s) version of it. It’s hauntingly beautiful.

Billy Corgan: Smashing Pumpkins is my husband’s most favorite band. I support his fandom, of course, but have never joined him there. However, Billy went on a special 10-city acoustic tour this summer and we saw him in June. Billy acoustic is much more my speed. It was a great show.

Here’s "Tonight, Tonight" acoustic from a couple years ago.

Ingrid Michaelson: Her biggest hit by far, I’ve loved “The Way I Am” since the day it came out back in 2007.

Grace Potter: Grace Potter and the Nocturnals have been around for a more than a decade, but I only discovered them recently with “Stars.” The studio version really showcases Grace’s vocal power, but this acoustic version is just so lovely, too. It makes me think of my mom, out there just beyond my reach.


Posted: Fri, 09/18/2015 - 13:35 |

10 years ago today, my life changed. My favorite show of all time - all time! - ended. No more new FRIENDS. Fortunately, the show's in syndication until 2088 or something (plus I own all the seasons), so I can rewatch it any time I want. So, in honor of this anniversary (also, how fast did 10 years go?!)....

I’ve been meaning to write this forever, but when you love a show so much and you try to pick just a few of some 200 episodes… well, it’s like picking favorite children (OK, not really). Each one has at least a nugget or two that means something to me. I can watch nearly any episode for the 20th time and love it just as much as the first time. Maybe more.

(Important to note, I consider the Thanksgiving episodes their own category. I love many of those equally, so I didn’t list them here.)

On with the list. The best episodes, in my mind, are the ones when all the Friends are in one room together… or are all involved in the same storyline. Another reason why T-Day episodes are standouts.

The One Where No One’s Ready: I can recite this episode word for word. It’s a classic. The Joey/Chandler fight, the Monica freak out, anal Ross, Phoebe’s political statement, Rachel “catching up on her correspondence.” I can’t even pick a favorite part because I love it all so much.

Best Line: There are too many. “The cushions are the essence of the chair!” “I’m Chandler. Could I BE wearing any more clothes?” “Monica, I think you’ve gone over to the BAD PLACE.” “Donald Duck never wore pants…” “I’m breezy!” “You can’t say you’re breezy! That totally negates the breezy!” (The fact that Joey knows how to properly use the word ‘negates’ is questionable, yet enjoyable.)

The One With the Embryos: This is a CLOSE second. The quiz game is unreal in its hilarity. I love how well they know each other – it’s really a special quality to find in friends. I also love Phoebe’s sweet side story line, with her petri dish pep talk and funny lines, “OK, where am I giving birth, in a hospital or a big box under the stairs?”

Best Line: Too many! But probably, “His legs flail about as if independent from his body!”

The One Where Everyone Finds Out: I still remember watching this episode live and laughing so hysterically in our basement my mom came down to see what the heck was going on. The opening when Phoebe sees through the window (“My eyes! MY EYES!”) is probably the best part. But I also love the cat and mouse game they play to get Chandler to crack.

Best Line: “What about my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps? SHE KNOWS!”

The One with the Prom Video: Some of the flashback episodes are hit or miss; they can get a little carried away. But this was our first peek at the past and it was really sweet. I love that it’s the other Friends’ first peek at the past, too, and the fact the Ross uncomfortably knows what’s coming and Rachel doesn’t. And the end is the best.

Best Line: Insert anything about lobsters here.

Posted: Tue, 05/06/2014 - 12:58 |

This was a better year for books than last year. I made my goal of 20 books, even with having a baby thrown in there. Here are my favorite books of the year (books I read, not books published, in 2013).

Divergent Trilogy: Once again (as with Hunger Games and Twilight), I did this right by not realizing this trilogy even existed until about a month before the last book came out. I really liked it, too! It was an interesting concept all the way through the end, almost to the point where I could see our real world imploding on itself like that (in a way). I was fine with the ending, too, even though other fans were threatening Roth with death (COME. ON.) because of it. A fun, fast read all around.

Eleanor & Park: People all over Twitter were reading this so I picked it up to see what the fuss was about. It’s such a sweet, endearing and heartbreaking story. Teenagers in love. It brings you back. I loved nearly every word.

Tiny Beautiful Things: This was a nice change of pace from my usual novel. I really enjoyed Strayed’s advice columns and how she presented her advice as well. I liked this much more over Wild, even though you can’t really compare the two.

Winter Sea: I found a historical novel that rivals The Forgotten Garden in loveliness. I hope to read more of her books.

Fault in Our Stars: Another book people just rave about and I was a little late in the game to. But I loved this book and how truthful and raw it felt. Green speaks from the teenage (much less a teenage girl) perspective really well. I loved the joking and sarcasm. I loved the parents, especially since now when I read it, I read it more from that perspective than from the child’s, like if I read it in high school or something. Wonderful.

Waiting for Birdy: I read this at the perfect time, with a toddler boy at home waiting for a baby girl, just like the author. Nearly everything she wrote struck me, and I was recently alerted to another article she wrote awhile back, and once again, she reads my freakin’ mind.

End of Your Life Book Club: I already wrote a complex post about this book, but it touched me on several levels. Great read, for both readers but also those struggling with a parent’s death.

You might also like my previous end of the year roundups: 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007

What books did you love in 2013?

Posted: Fri, 12/06/2013 - 19:29 |

Wait it Out Bingo: My good friend Katie alerted me to this piece and I think it’s so clever. I always want to think I can be the mom who will let my child CIO, but let’s face it, I’m spent after 5 minutes. So, at least this Bingo card on why my baby is awake adds some humor to the literally exhausting situation.

My additions: fireworks (someday I’ll like those again), tired mama bumping rocking horse into crib, doorbell, mama having a coughing fit while laying on nursery floor, etc.

I’m Not Sorry and You Shouldn’t Be Either by Denise Schipani: I’ve always been a big proponent of saying no to keep your sanity. When it comes right down to it, my family and my time comes before everything else. But sometimes I look at the messy house or the fact that I skip many events and feel bad (...but not really). I’m thankful Schipani tells me I don’t have to feel sorry.

Zombie Story: This is old, but I only just discovered it. Toy Story and Walking Dead (two things I love) have very similar themes. It’s hilarious.

Now We Are Five by David Sedaris: Besides the fact that I will consume anything he writes, I appreciated this piece for how well Sedaris writes about the death of a loved one who you might not actually be that close to. But it still matters. Great piece.

Bravery As Defined By an Accidental Housewife: I love the sentiment that we’re all brave and courageous just doing what we’re doing every day – wiping butts, cleaning house, going to work, being parents. Her last graph says it all:

“In reality I am someone who has never stopped feeling frustrated and uneasy with a messy house, who cringes when people wipe snot on her shoulder, and who still dry heaves herself when anyone around her throws up.  I wish I were more naturally tolerant of these things, but I’m not, and so for me the challenge I must rise to lately is the daily endurance of these discomforts.  It’s not quite as exciting or special feeling as having a baby, true, and it might not look brave to the outside world, but some days it takes all the grit I’ve got.  This is my current adventure, my life affirming challenge: not to endure pain or push myself to any physical limits, not to earn a new certificate or find a new career, but to help a kid wipe milk off the floor for the twentieth time in a week without resenting it.  To know that to the child who spilled the milk, my attitude does matter.”

What are you loving this week?

Posted: Fri, 11/08/2013 - 20:57 |

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Two of my favorite shows from the last decade are The Office and Parks & Rec, so it really shouldn’t have been a surprise that I would dig Brooklyn Nine-Nine since it was created by Office/P&R writers/creators. It’s my favorite new fall show. It took an episode or two to really like the characters (it took that for P&R, too), but Andy Samberg is really good at sitcom acting, Andre Braugher plays a hilarious, ahem, straight man, and the supporting players quickly grew on me. Good show.

Toy Story of Terror: I love Toy Story. All of them. A lot. And that’s a good thing, because in the last year or so, I’ve watched A LOT of Toy Story. (My kid cracks me up by quoting Spanish Buzz, “Senorita? Dondé esta?!”) The husband and I checked out Toy Story of Terror, which premiered the other night. The cleverness just doesn’t go away with this brand. On a road trip with Bonnie, the toys find themselves in a run-down, roadside motel and get in a bit of a pickle when they explore during the night. While I think it might be a tad frightening for my preschooler, it’s still remarkable for a 30-minute special.

Promised Land by the Milk Carton Kids: I always find new songs to love in the ending montages of TV shows and this one was on last week’s episode of Bones. After looking them up, looks like the Milk Carton Kids are group that’s just starting to make a big name for itself. I’m never in the know about breakout stars, but I think this group has a big future. (Other songs from TV shows I've instantly downloaded: Cloud Cult’s You Were Born from HIMYM, Joshua Radin’s My My Love from Parenthood (I get many songs from this show), Rilo Kiley’s Arms Outstretched from Weeds, etc.)

Take Your Licks by Amy Poehler: Just when you think you can’t love her more, she writes a sweet essay like this one. My favorite line, “It’s important to know when it’s time to turn in your kazoo.”

Mike Derheim’s TEDx Talk: He talks about engaging your workforce and how Millennials aren’t entitled, they just want to be empowered… and employers aren’t doing this. At his company, The Nerdery (always named a top place to work in Minnesota), everyone is co-president. It’s not about rules and regulations; it’s about less of those things. “Why not let people pick their own hours? Why not show people the picture of success and get out of their way while they try to achieve it?” Bravo, man. There’s a reason he’s grown his company to 450 extremely happy employees in just 10 years.

Posted: Fri, 10/18/2013 - 15:19 |

When I was in college there was a boy (of course there was). I really liked this boy and we hung out a lot. However, while he wanted to hang with me all the time, he would tell me he didn’t want a relationship, even though he really liked me, that it was fun to just hang with me, blah blah blah. Because I liked him so much and he was fun to be around, and because he just kept calling me to hang out, I kept it up for several months. One day I was talking to a very wise coworker about the situation. I told her that it hurt that he didn’t want to be more than friends (well, sometimes more), I still held out hope and wanted to keep seeing him because I missed him and was sad when we didn’t see each other.

She told me, “Go right ahead. But there will come a time when it will hurt more to be with him than to be without him, and that’s when you’ll stop.”

And she was right. That time came, I stopped hanging out with him, and while it hurt, it didn’t hurt as much as giving my feelings over to someone who didn’t reciprocate. I never forgot her advice.

Reading Cheryl Strayed’s Tiny Beautiful Things reminded me of this moment in my life. Strayed is the voice behind an advice column called Dear Sugar and Tiny Beautiful Things is a compilation of some of her best advice. She gives advice on sex, love, finances, abuse and much more. Her advice is wise and spot on, plus just beautifully written. She can take bits from her own messed up life and turn those stories around and dole out sage advice. Some of the letters and her following advice can make you laugh, cry or just shake your head.

The interesting thing? With every letter, I would give the exact same advice (not as eloquently, but exactly the same in theme). Because with every problem, there really, truly is a best path; a best perspective. But when you’re in the situation? When you’re continuing to hang with the boy who doesn’t return your affections? You can’t see it. Your situation seems impossible, like there is no answer. But from the outside, either as Strayed or as the reader, the solution seems so easy: leave, stay, buck up, shut up, get help, etc.

This doesn’t make the book less interesting by any means. It’s completely interesting and touching and so many of her stories and advice struck home with me. When a mid-20s college graduate complained that her parents weren’t helping her with her student loans (how can I possibly get out from under these without their help, they’re being selfish, etc.), Strayed told her to “grow up, people do it all the time.” Love that. When a fiancé didn’t know if he was responding well to his partner’s grief over losing her mother, Strayed said all he needed to do (for the rest of their lives) was listen and say I’m sorry, over and over, even if it felt like the most lame, unhelpful response. Yes. When a mother whose six-month-old was having surgery to remove a tumor and she was questioning a God who would do such a thing, Strayed (who doesn’t believe in God) gave the most eloquent response, asking why we only question God when something goes bad in OUR lives. Bad things happen all the time to everyone. In fact, Jesus, a human man, died on a cross and suffered quite a bit but also endured. She reminds us to find God within our hard times – friends who help you, strangers who reach out – rather than wondering where the hell he went.

It’s like throughout the book she offers the most obvious advice, but it’s advice that we tend to forget. It’s like when bad things happen to us, we lose all sight of common sense. Some situations in the book I’ve been in, some I’m in right now, some I hope to never be in. But, I would love (though it’s pretty impossible) to remember every piece of advice she offers and then keep remembering it the next time I find myself lost within a problem or situation. The answer is there, always, we just have to let ourselves find it and then trust it.

Posted: Wed, 09/18/2013 - 15:20 |


Walking Dead: When it ended in March, I didn’t have a new baby yet and it seemed like October was very, very far away. But, here we are, and come October 13 we’ll be watching Season 4. The previews I’ve seen only make this season look even more intense than 3, which was pretty freakin’ intense. I’m excited.

We don’t really have any other Sunday night shows, so we’ll round it out with either football or DVR’d shows from the week before.


HIMYM: It’s bittersweet because I’m so, so excited to see how this show wraps up (and find out when Slap #5 will happen!), but I also hate to see it go. I maintain that this show is one of the cleverest comedies on TV. Sure, it’s about a group of friends (not original), but the time jumps, long-running jokes, great acting and great storytelling has kept it going strong for 9 seasons. ::cry::

Bones: I can’t pinpoint why I enjoy Bones so much, but I do. I love Booth and Bones together, and I love when the series brings in a bad guy who sticks around for a while. It’s nothing groundbreaking, of course, but it’s a less serious CSI/NCIS/L&O and I like that. (Don’t like that it moves to Friday in late fall….)

Mom: After HIMYM we usually just switch to The Voice, which we like better than any other singing/talent competition on the air (I really hope to see Shakira and Usher back again in another season). However, I might have to check out Mom for one reason and one reason only: Allison Janney. I can take or leave Anna Faris, though.


Brooklyn Nine-Nine: This looks funny and has been getting some good reviews early on. My husband really wants to watch it and it comes right before our other favorite comedy. I hope it’s good, and if it’s good, I hope it stays on. (Though Fox doesn’t cancel shows as fast as other networks, so that’s a good thing.)

New Girl: Love. Anxious to see what happens with Nick and Jess – I’m so glad they got together. I think this could be a good Monica/Chandler relationship that just works for the length of the sitcom.

Trophy Wife: I don’t think we’ll watch it, but if I did, again it would be for one (WW) reason only: Bradley Whitford.

About A Boy (midseason): Love the book and the movie, so maybe I’ll like the TV show?

Top Gear: When it’s new, we watch this on History. It’s more for my husband, but the three guys are really funny so even if you don’t dig cars all that much, they make it easy to watch.


The Middle: This show just continues to get better. Last year was especially good with Frankie’s career change and Axl’s new love interest/heartbreak. Like I say every year, this is one of the only shows on right now that shows a real middle-class family that’s struggling like so many of the rest of us.

Back in the Game: I don’t know? Maybe because it’s on between our two Wednesday night shows?

Modern Family: Don’t have to say too much about why we’ll continue to watch this show. It’s a good time.


The biggest overhaul of a TV night in a long time, on every channel.

Parks and Rec: Love everything about this show. Sad to see Rob Lowe and Rashida Jones go, though.

The Big Bang Theory: No explanation necessary. I hope Mayim wins the Emmy on Sunday.

The Millers: Probably not, though might check it out just for Will Arnett.

Welcome to the Family: Eh. But it’s after P&R, so…

The Crazy Ones: Kind of want to see what it’s like to have Robin Williams back on TV. I worry with such a superstar cast (i.e. big salaries), if it doesn’t get Huge Ratings quickly enough it could be considered a flop.

Sean Saves the World: This is one of those comedies where I feel NBC is promoting the hell out of it and it’s only going to be just OK. Is he just playing Jack in a different role? Sean Hayes can do other things; he’s had some good guest arcs on other sitcoms, so I hope we see some of that acting come through.

Michael J Fox Show: Of course we’ll watch. Who doesn’t love MJF? I watched Family Ties and Spin City, so I’ll tune in to this one too. I hope the Parkinson’s jokes simmer down after the initial episodes and it just becomes a funny show about a good guy. We’ll see.

Parenthood: My most anticipated. Love everything about it. Cry every week. So glad it got picked up, moved to Thursdays and we get 22 whole episodes. (The Emmys can suck it though.)


Ghost Adventures: When it’s new, we watch this.

Shark Tank: We get a kick out of this show, too.

Leftover thoughts from last season: I couldn’t keep up with Go On, and then it got cancelled anyway. But I liked it. And all the shenanigans with Up All Night? Ridiculous. I wish they’d kept it similar to season 1, but they messed with it too much and then it failed. Nice work, again, NBC. Never got back into Community. Also, TNT cancelled Southland in the biggest TV disappointment of 2013. Just lame, TNT.

What are you watching?

Posted: Tue, 09/17/2013 - 16:23 |